AN “OH-NO” SENIOR MOMENT

First published 11-12-11 in my original blog, Postcards from the Heartland.

Last week I was at the grocery store, unloading my shopping cart onto the check-out conveyor belt, like I’ve done thousands of times in my long and illustrious career as an everyday American housewife.  

I was quite proud of myself. The cart was only about a third filled, so this quick stop for a few things wasn’t going to cost me an arm and a leg.

As I was waiting with my now empty cart, behind a woman who was taking way too long to write out a check, I started rummaging through my purse for my checkbook.  I wanted to be ready with my debit card when it was my turn to pay up.

Suddenly an uneasy-queasy feeling came over me.  I knew in an instant that I’d left my checkbook at home.  In my mind’s eye, I could see it lying there by my computer, where I’d accessed the calculator to strike a reasonably accurate balance.

Great day in the morning! I’d forgotten my checkbook! What a helpless, sinking feeling to ruin my day. Since I live ten miles out in the country, it wasn’t like I could quickly run home and get it.  I had maybe $2 in change in the coin keeper in my purse.  Before the checker could start ringing me up, I was putting my items back in the cart to return them to their proper shelves.

When my son worked at the grocery store, he told me the items people changed their minds about and put back on the shelves are called “orphans,” because they are rarely put back where they came from. It was common to find a bag of cookies sitting on the shelf with furniture polish or a package of steak tucked in among the loaves of bread.

Well, I wasn’t about to just start scattering orphans all over the store. And I wouldn’t think of simply abandoning my cart of groceries and sneaking out. That’s just not right! I mentally inventoried the contents of my cart and formulated a plan to put them all back exactly where I got them. And to do it in an organized manner, so I wouldn’t have to back-track all over the store.

The experience was humiliating. I felt like a petty criminal who had decided to go shopping with no money, got caught, and had to put all the stuff back. It only took half the time to put it back as it did to shop for it, but still, it seemed to take forever.

And all the while I was trying to figure out the logic of having my debit & credit cards, as well as any cash I may be holding, all tucked into my check book.  I mean, I may forget my checkbook at home, especially if I’ve been writing out bills or balancing the account.  But I’ll always have my purse with me. Doesn’t it make much more sense to carry cash & plastic in a special pocket in the purse, as far from the checkbook as possible? Then I would never face this humiliating annoyance again.

The trip to town wasn’t a total loss, though.  I had accomplished some other important errands before I went to the grocery store.  It’s just that on my way home, my face burned red, like I was being slapped all the way back home for my forgetfulness. 

I decided not to tell my family about my misadventure.  No need to worry them…

UPDATE 10-25-14: OK. MEDIC ALERT: This is probably my first panic attack ever, in Nov of 2011.  But I've never been back to town when I didn't have some way to pay for stuff at the store either. Learned my lesson well!